Episode 6: I Still Feel Guilty Walking Out the Door (And I'm 48)
Even at 48 with three teenagers, I still feel guilty grabbing my keys and walking out the door alone. This week I actually did it — drove to the coffee shop by myself, sat outside, ordered my favorite coffee, and didn't share it with anyone. This episode is what I was thinking about the whole time I was there.
What we get into:
The guilt that doesn't go away with age. I thought I'd have this figured out by now. I don't. And neither do most of the women I work with. We talk about why the guilt shows up even when we logically know we need this — and why perimenopause is the universe's way of saying the time for ignoring it is officially over.
The victim mindset nobody names out loud. It's easy to say you don't have time for yourself when there's always someone who needs something. I lived in that story for years — blaming my kids, my schedule, my circumstances. At some point I realized I was the only one who could change it, and that's both uncomfortable and freeing.
Finding what fills your cup — and making it small. Not a spa weekend. Not an hour of uninterrupted anything. We're talking one minute in a closet while the kids are on an iPad, or a cup of coffee outside before anyone wakes up. The size of the thing matters less than the practice of actually doing it.
Feel the feelings and do it anyway. I'm not talking about bypassing guilt or shame or whatever comes up when you finally make something just about you. I'm saying those emotions and the action can coexist. Scared and courageous. Guilty and out the door. Both can be true.
What your sugar cravings are actually telling you. The stress that feels manageable at 38 compounds at 48. Your cortisol, your blood sugar, the 10pm reach for something sweet — it's all connected. This isn't a willpower problem. It's your nervous system talking. We get into what that means and what to do about it.
